Danza a la Matanza

This week is really special in Mexican Culture. Not only is the Panamericana coming into town tomorrow (to which I am going--- YAY!), but they have a special ritual called the Matanza this time of year. Mexicans consider the goat as one of the cleanest meats around. For this reason, they take the utmost care of these creatures. They walk for an entire year in these pastures where the goats can only eat a certain type of cactus and drink cactus water- nothing else. They are really special. So this time of year, the goats are sufficiently grown to be eaten--and that they do. For like 300 pesos a plate. These goats are SOOO expensive. The dish is called Mole de Cadenza (or something like that...), and honestly I hope they don't buy me any because I don't really like Mole (Moh-ley). Mole... ugh. Well, some is good. I had this Mole soup one time and it was SUPER good, but the other stuff is really gross. Regular Mole is like saying, "Here, let me pour really fake, disgusting chocolate on your meat. Would you like to add sugar to that?" Blech. Really, they dump sugar on it. Anyway, if it tastes anything like regular Mole, no thank you. But apparently it is a delicacy, and you can only get it this time of year.

Because of the significance of these goats, they have a party to go with it called the Danza a la Matanza, or the Dance at the Slaughtering. Yeah, rather gruesome. I totally thought they were going to slaughter the goat on the stage. They didn't--at least not the day I went. They have another ceremony where they kill all of them, and I chose not to attend that one. Anyway, we watched this really cool presentation where they dance with a goat on their shoulders like a mink.

The goat had a bunch of leis around its neck. He was fit to meet the queen.

Ay, blasted woman with a basket who danced into my shot at the last second.

Anyway, so this poor goat had to sit there and be carried around by some guy, and it bleated a few times as if to say, "Get me down!" Poor thing. Oh well, all is good and fun in Mexico. The other weird thing was that they were dancing around with Tamales and Tequila too. We decided the three T's of an awesome Mexican party are Tamales, Tequila, and Turkeys. Yes, they do the same thing with a turkey.

This guy was really into it, and he kinda flailed the turkey around a bit, but hey, at least it looked cool. The first time I saw it, it looked like it was dead. The second time, it looked like it was fake. The final time, I saw it move of its own accord, thus making it a live turkey. I have excellent skills of deduction.

We had a great time. The people in front of us did not have a great time because of the Americans with long legs digging into their backs. Yeah, totally not my fault. I felt so bad. Being tall and white here makes you stand out BIG time. I am about a foot taller than most Mexicans. It kinda bites when all the teachers are together because we can't sit anywhere for more than 30 minutes without getting talked to about "a business arrangement to get into the states" or something like that. Honestly, some people. Being white, however, gets you on TV and in the Newspaper. Yeah, we were totally on TV. They took our pictures for the Newspaper (we looked to see if they had a badge, not just some random person taking our picture and asking us for our name), and we're watching to get a copy of the paper here that we are in. They said it should come out in the next few days, so we'll see.

Overall, it has been a good week. It's been weird though- this lady that was sitting behind me in church last Sunday grabbed a lock of my hair and held it for a while. I turned around, and she said, "You have such beautiful hair, Sister." I thanked her, of course, but it was weird. Then the very next day, 2 of my kids touched my hair and said, "So beautiful." I just don't really know how to react to that. I'm glad my hair pleases you. My Spanish teacher taught me how to gratefully thank a person and politely tell them not to touch my hair. That may come in handy someday.

Well, this is hump week for my being here- only 2 months left to go. I am incredibly saddened by this fact. I feel like I need to sit down and analyze my time here and see what I feel like I'm missing. I don't want to leave this place with any regrets, so I better make sure I do everything I can. One thing is for sure- I really want to go to a Luchador match. Better make that happen quick.

Are you a MexiCAN, or a MexiCAN'T?

I've pretty much decided that I am going to base the remainder of my time in Mexico on this video:

Yeah, changed my life :)

You sold it for HOW MUCH?!

Today has been such a good day. It's the first in a long time that I haven't been forced to break the Sabbath. Let me begin by telling you that human beings need Sundays. It is a fact of life. And not just to be able to go have fun and party at the Disco Techs, it's a day for deep thought, meditation, and growth. I hope to be able to have more Sundays like this one while I'm here because it has been so wonderful. I was able to bear my testimony today, and it didn't go so bad. It's hard to express things that I feel in Spanish because it doesn't flow naturally out of my mouth yet. With time, I hope it will. But I wanted to share what I talked about here because it has consumed my thoughts. I would also like to point out right now that I am in no way judging anyone who is reading this because who am I, a sinner, to judge someone else? I am merely commenting on my own life, which is, I believe, the point of a blog. Therefore, don't think for one minute that I am talking directly to any of you.

Here in Mexico, it is really easy to get pirated movies very cheaply. Like it's on the sidewalk on every road in the city of Tehuacán. They are only 10-20 pesos which is like a dollar. Sweet deal, right? I will admit that I have purchased many of these movies, and the quality is actually really great. It's just like a regular movie! But everytime I buy one, I kill myself a little inside. I know it's wrong. I would never steal a movie out of a store or download one off the internet, why is buying pirated movies any different? I found that I was trying to justify it to myself, and that is when I knew I had a problem. There was no way around it. Buying pirated movies is stealing, and that's the end of it.

While I was thinking about this predicament I was in, I remembered a talk given in one of my Young Women's classes. 'How much would you sell your integrity for?' they said. I wouldn't sell it for anything, of course! It's my integrity! I can withstand watching R rated movies and crazy boys. But I sold my integrity for 20 pesos the day I bought a pirated movie. You'd think my integrity would be worth more than 20 pesos!

Another thought that came to mind is that you need to be who you want to marry. Okay, it's true, I like boys. And I can't wait to be married to one of them. I just want to be really awesome for him, okay? He deserves it. Whoever he is. That includes throwing out/giving away my pirated movies. I don't want a husband who justifies bad behavior, so I can't do it either.

The straw that broke the camel's back, however, was the thought of Lamoni's father when Aaron was teaching him about the gospel. 'I would give away all my sins to know thee...' How powerful those words are. Am I willing to give up buying movies really cheaply in order to know my Heavenly Father better? What else am I doing that is preventing me from knowing Him? What else am I doing that is preventing Him from blessing me? How much happier could I be? Let me tell you, I'm pretty dang happy. But could I do something that would provide greater happiness? More prolonged happiness?

Ah, the things to think about on a Sunday.

Expectations

Going somewhere new forces you to have expectations. Okay, at least in my life, whenever I move onto the next stage of my life or do something I've never done before, I always expect certain things. There was no exception in my coming to Mexico. I've learned that when you expect things, you can almost always count on them to fail you. And yes, Mexico was no exception to that one either. Let me explain.

When I was planning to come to Mexico, they told us that we would be living with families that would most likely have children. These families wanted their children to learn English, so having a native English speaker in the house is conducive to that very outcome. I also imagined that my family would be cooking a lot and would want me to help them cook. I thought I would become an expert at Mexican-food cooking by the time I got finished. I imagined finally having little brothers and sisters, of which, being the youngest, I never got to experience. I was so excited for this.

When I got to Mexico, things were so different from what I had expected. My 'parents' (if you could really call them my parents) are 27 years old. We live with Martha's parents, but Martha and Toño are my providers. They are young, have their own friends, and do cool stuff like skydiving and repelling. Heck yeah! So sure, it wasn't what I had expected, but it was still awesome. But then that means they do these kinds of things on Sundays. Not... the... greatest... Man, it has been difficult. It's just interesting because I had imagined this cute little family with little kids and going to church together, and it's like I'm being thrown back into high school. I have to defend my standards often. We hang out with Toño's friends, and they are not the best people in the world. All I'm saying is that I'm glad I don't know Spanish bad words because I think they're saying them a lot. Luckily I was able to go to the Distribution Center in Oaxaca and get a picture of Christ visiting the Nephites, so that brings a bit of home back. Anyway, it's just different than what I had expected. I was not expecting to have to deal with hungover Mexicans. I was not expecting to go to weddings and watch everyone drink and smoke and wonder why I wasn't. I was not expecting to have to tell someone I couldn't hold a bottle of beer 'just for a picture'. Can you imagine what people would have thought if that picture got out? I, of course, would not drink any, but she wanted to get a picture with me holding the bottle, just for picture's sake. She kept insisting, and there was no way I was giving in. I'm about 85 percent sure I offended her. But I didn't take it. It's a whole new world here.

Bottom line, however, is that even though I am not being put in the same situations, I am still having the same feelings of growth and adventure that I thought I would. I am experiencing Mexico to its fullest, and that is exactly what I had expected. I expected to be growing spiritually, and that is happening too. The Lord had something for me to gain here, and He is giving it to me in a way I never would have thought. Not only that, I'm getting some experience on the side. It's nice to know I'm being taken care of by Someone who knows everything. Isn't that a wonderful feeling?

Independence for Mexicans and for Teachers

Last Thursday (the fifteenth) was Mexican Independence Day. Okay, actually it's the sixteenth, but they celebrate the night of the fifteenth through the sixteenth. It was pretty awesome. There were tons of rides, shops, and cheap tacos. They also do this thing called a Grito. The Grito is a tradition taken from many many years ago when Miguel Hidalgo, a freedom fighter of the day, ran out into the streets yelling Viva Mexico!! So every year, the people go to the town square and to that same thing at midnight. We, unfortunately, watched the one on TV that happened in Mexico City. I was hoping to go out and be part of that, but Martha and Toño decided it would be better to go later. I got decked out anyway.



For some reason, they like to cut their bushes in the shapes of birds for Independence Day. I'm still not sure why they do that one, but it's pretty cool I guess.



The next day, because we didn't have class, we decided to go to a place called Cuetzalan for the weekend. This place is home to many indigenous Mexicans, many of which don't even speak Spanish. It tested our Spanish skills as well as theirs. The city itself is absolutely amazing because Mexico made it into a Magic City, which is where they can't tear old buildings down to make new ones. The city really is magical. Cobblestone roads, old dome churches, 4-feet tall old ladies carrying twice their size on their back, the whole nine yards. Not to mention the Pyramids. But these weren't any old pyramids. These pyramids were built in such a way (4 buildings making a rectangle with only 2 passageways) that if you stood in the center and talked regularly, people at the very top of the pyramid could hear you. If you clapped, the echo was right behind rather than delayed a little bit. It was AMAZING.









After we went to the pyramids, we went to the city center because all the vendors from anywhere remotely close to the city of Cuetzalan came to sell their stuff. I got some really cool stuff for really cheap. And I even used my newly-acquired bartering skills! I am so proud of myself- I didn't pay full price for anything! Okay, I did pay full price for the food, but only because I got 2 gorditas and 2 empenadas for 10 pesos, which is like 75 cents. I wasn't going to push that one. Anyway, so as we were shopping around, everyone started gathering to the very center where there was a huge pole. We're talking like 50 feet up. They take the tallest tree in the forest and cut off all the branches and add a ladder on the side. Then 4 people climb up to the very top with ropes and they swing around the poll coming down. In Cuetzalan culture, they try to get as close to God as they can, and then they try to connect their umbilical cord with God again. They swing with their head down and their feet high and their belly up, trying to connect with God again. It is really cool to watch. I got a video of it, but it doesn't seem to be working on this computer. I'm afraid photos will have to do.





We had to take little camionetas (which is just a guy with a truck that has tarp over the back that drives from little towns to Cuetzalan) and we walked a huge amount of stairs and steep roads. Cuetzalan could put San Francisco to shame.







Such a beautiful city. And everything is really cheap, too! We stayed at a cute little place run by indigenous women. They made us whatever we wanted--really, they didn't even have a menu. We had maracuya juice every morning, too. Maracuyas are definitely not found in the states. But they kind of taste like Clementines, but not quite as sour. They are in the citrus group, but more on the sweet side. All I know is that they were delicious, especially juiced. So here is our cute little place we stayed in:



And a banana tree. Yes, I felt like hopping on top, jumping on alligators, and busting through barrels. (Donkey Kong reference.)




This leaf below is what they call an Elephant Ear or A Poor Man's Umbrella. The sap is like Poison Ivy though, so it's a ride on the wild side for those poor men.



Overall, we had a wonderful day off and an adventuresome weekend. México never ceases to amaze me with its beauty and delicious food. Martha and Toño said that I should have weighed myself before I came to see how much weight I'll put on. Oh that's not offensive here, for the record. Ba da ba baa baaaa.... I'm lovin' it :)

It's Catch-up time.

Hey, it's been a while! Everyone still out there? Don't worry, I'm still alive. And I finally have access to a computer that I can put pictures on. That is good news for you guys!! There is so much that has happened that it may take a couple of blog posts to catch you up. I'm sorry that the internet at our school is sketchy. I finally found out that there is a desktop computer in my host family's house that I can use. It is really slow, but it works. Okay, now time for a little catch-up.

I tried my first Helote a while back, and I am totally addicted. I think I'm going to start my own Helote business when I get back to school. I'd make bank! Especially off of the RM's. Helote literally means an ear of corn, but this way that they prepare it is totally delicious. Don't be scared of the whole Mayonnaise business, it's just to hold the cheese on. You can't even really taste the Mayo. So it's a layer of mayo, delicious cheese, and chili powder sprinkled on top. It is so amazing. Behold.








Yeah, deliciousness on a stick. The food here is just pretty much amazing. A ton of it is fried, so that always helps in the deliciousness department. My family likes to show me new things, so it's a pretty rare occasion when I get something that I've had before. My favorite things I've had thus far are Gorditas and Huaraches. Gorditas consist of tortillas stuffed with beans and delicious meat and then fried. It's like a stuffed scone, except not sweet. Then Huaraches are tortillas that are stretched out and have beans inside and salsa verde and meat and all that good stuff on it. They are flat, but they are fried too. Oh man oh man, they are good. I just love mexican food.

Tehuacan is a relatively small city, but it still has a mall. We went to the mall (all 5 of us teachers) to go see a movie one Saturday. Movies here only cost 35 pesos which is about 3 bucks, and it's a nice theater! I was pretty excited. We went to Crazy, Stupid Love, and it was really funny. It was also a little bit sketchy for my taste, so I don't think I could recommend it to you, but it was still really funny. I didn't know anything about it except that it was PG-13, so I went for it. The other cool thing was that it was in English with Spanish subtitles, so we weren't completely lost. Hooray for American movies! Anyway, when we were on our way to the theater, we had to pass through the mall. Look what we found.



We all BUSTED a gut when we saw this. I tried to explain to my family that Athlete's foot is a fungus that is not good, but I don't think they understood. Oh well, I got a kick out of it.

Last of all, Alicia and Danielle's family has a ranch about an hour away from Tehuacan, so Saturday they invited me to go with them. We had such a blast! And it was just what I had expected rural Mexico to be. Tons of corn and little cute old Mexican women. We ate corn soup, smoked corn, and steamed corn with lime and salt. May I just say, regularly cooked corn with lime and salt is really good. You cut the lime in half and dip it in a bowl of salt, and then you rub it on the corn like a stick of butter. I don't know how else to explain it other than that, so I hope that is satisfactory. Anyway, I think I'm just going to let the pictures talk now.









Oh, for the record, it's Mexican Independence Day on Thursday, so there is more to come. Get excited.

Things I've learned in Mexico... so far

Sorry I haven't been able to post-- I don't really have access to a computer very often. I can usually use the one at the school, but the internet hasn't been working for a while. I finally went over to a friend's house and I'm using her computer, so unfortunately no pictures today. I can tell you about what has happened so far, though.

1. Cockroaches are not that scary if they aren't on your body. When they are though, it's the creepiest feeling in the world. I was taking a shower one morning and I felt something on my leg, so I kicked to get it off. I looked down. Yeah, ROACH. Totally the grossest thing ever. So then I started running away from it in the shower, but it kept following me. I finally splashed some water on it and it flipped over, so I was safe. Oh man, it was crazy. Anyway, I've gotten over that hurdle, so I guess it's downhill from here.

2. Mexicans know Mexico is scary. My family has big pieces of glass cemented on the top of their 15-foot-high walls so people don't try to get in. The outer doors are always really thick metal- whether it's a big sheet of metal or metal bars, it's pretty secure. They also always walk in the middle of the street at night so bad things don't happen. For all you worriers out there, don't worry. My family here is probably more worried than you are. They take every precaution possible and don't let me walk anywhere without them.

3. Mexicans don't know how to use an oven. Really, they don't. In every Mexican house I've been to here, they always store things in the oven like their big pans and griddles and stuff. It's super weird.

4. Mexican men are really blunt. Well, actually, all Mexicans are blunt. But especially the men. I was walking with one of the other teachers, Tracy, and this guy was like "So where are you from?" And we were like, "Oh, the US" (He was talking in English). And then he said to me, "Oh cool. Well, do you want to go get dinner with me and then see a movie?" And I was like "Whoa. Uhh... I gotta go now...." So yes, it's official, I've been asked out on a date here. There was no fooling around with this guy. I think people in the States could take a lesson or two from this guy.

5. Zumba classes are way more intense here than in the US. Or at least at BYU-Idaho. And they're always taught by gay guys. ALWAYS. Man, those guys can move their hips like gyroscopes. One guy wore sunglasses the whole time we were doing the class, which was weird, but he loved looking at himself so he had to be looking his best I guess. I think that being a Zumba instructor was the best career choice for him because he can just look at himself all day long. Gay guys here also have nails that are pointed. They're really long and they're cut so that they come to a point at the top. Unfortunately, the word for gay in Spanish is gay, so we can't talk about it in class.

6. Everyone who cooks for Americans asks if the food is too spicy. I, personally, can handle a lot of spice, so I always tell them no, but they always ask. They're afraid of making it too spicy for us gringos. I appreciate that, but I'm totally cool with it.

7. You cannot avoid street food. I was always told, "Don't eat the street food! You'll get sick!" But the families here buy chicken and pork off the street and cook with it anyway. There is just no way around it. I decided to bite the bullet and go for it so that I could get used to street food. I did end up getting pretty sick on Sunday, but it gave my family permission to dote on me, and they love doing that. We had to have the whole spiel about no tea or coffee or alcohol that day, but luckily they brought me herbal tea, so I didn't have to turn it down. But after that one time that I told them, they have defended me ever since. If someone ever offers me coffee, Marta will always speak up first- "No no, ella no toma cafe." It's nice.

8. There is a special way that you eat with tortillas. You can eat it like a taco, but there is a special way you do it. You break off a piece of it and fold it in a particular way (it's too hard to explain without pictures), and then you eat everything like that. Potatoes, soup, beans, everything. Usually there's no silverware. It's been fun to see the look on their faces when I eat stuff with a fork. They always say "No, with your hands!" It's been fun to learn a new way of eating.

Overall, life here is so great. I've only taught the ninos once since I've been here, but it's okay. I will get better at teaching eventually. To be honest, yesterday was pretty bad. I was almost in tears after the first class. I felt like I was really thrown into the lion's den. The second class went a lot better, but I just don't know what to do about that first class. There are so many kids in it, they're super crazy hyper, and I really don't have any idea what I'm doing. The school in Mexico is kind of unorganized right at this second because we don't have a lot of teachers here. Everything is just packed and it's really hard to teach the ILP program with too many kids. I'll get the hang of it, but yesterday was pretty disastrous. They said in training that you'll get it in about a month. I guess we'll see how it goes.

Hope everything is good in the States. Life here is pretty amazing. I really do love it here, and I'm glad I get to be here for so long. Thanks to everyone, especially the fam, for all your support. Love you guys!!!

A Literary Mash-Up

Okay so a month ago, I talked about great literature, and I encouraged people to read a classic. While trying to decide which book to pick, finals happened. I got so slammed with projects and papers and my job that I was out of the reading game for a little while. Don't you worry, I did read something this past month. But when I moved back home, I had a thought cross my mind: What makes the classics classics? What kinds of books have been put out within my lifetime that would be considered good literature? So I decided to do a little experiment. I was going to compare my reading of something like Pride and Prejudice and something that came out in our lifetime: Harry Potter.

Before you fly off the handle about having the audacity to compare something so great as Pride and Prejudice with something so minimal as Harry Potter, I'd like to clarify. I know perfectly well that Jane Austen could outdo J.K. Rowling every day of her life. I was comparing how I read it. How did I feel while reading it? Does this book make me want to be a better person? What does it say about life? How can I implement the things that are said in this book in my own life? I thought Harry Potter would put up a fairly decent fight. And, let's face it: the wizarding world is a pretty amazing place. And I think the patronus charm is really cool. My patronus would take the form of an otter.

So after reading the first two (and part of the third), here's what I have come up with. I think that the Harry Potter books are wonderful. They, for certain, have some literary qualities. But they don't fit the criterion of a truly literary book. The plot makes the book. A plot-based book could never stand up to the characterization and symbolism and diction that a Jane Austen book has. Take Mr. Darcy, for example. Sure, there is plot in Jane Austen's book, but the character Mr. Darcy can stand by himself. People have written volumes about Mr. Darcy. Every girl wants a Mr. Darcy in their life. Not only did Austen build a great character in Mr. Darcy, a protagonist, but she also built the side characters, like Mr. and Mrs. Bennet, Mary (Lizzy's sister), Mr. Collins, etc. In my small opinion, the reason that Pride and Prejudice is literary is because Austen created characters and let their actions reflect their nature, thus creating plot. Let me reiterate: The characters created the plot by merely being themselves. The greatest pieces of the plot in that story are the unveiling of the true natures of two men: Mr. Darcy and Mr. Wickham. Characterization runs the plot in literary works.

Now let's take that to Harry Potter. Events just happen to Harry Potter and his friends. He receives an invisibility cloak, which enables him to sneak around the castle by night and discover secret passageways. Hagrid happens to let things slip to our three heroes more often than it should. Plot plot plot. And plot is exciting. It's just not literary.

But like I mentioned before, it does have literary characteristics. Dumbledore, for example, provides the best literary nourishment. He has all these great one liners that change your life forever. He embodies the stereotypical cute old man, yet demonstrates great strength of character when needed. That's why everyone loves Dumbledore! J.K. Rowling took the time to develop his character for the reader and gave him the role of "the wise one with all the answers." It is this redeeming quality that makes the Harry Potter books worthwhile. Dumbledore's words do make me want to change my life. They do something for my soul. They teach truth. So while I cannot say that the Harry Potter books are literary, I still stand behind them. And props to J.K. Rowling for getting millions of children all across America (and the world, for that matter) to pick up a book and read 700 pages.

So thanks J.K. Rowling, for creating a wonderful world of imagination for the youth.

To My Chicas: Chelsabelle

I have been blessed with so many wonderful women in my life. After trying to talk about all of them in one blog post, I decided that they each deserved their own blog post. I have too much to say about my girls that I would cheat everyone out if I didn't explain in more detail. Like I've learned in my English classes about writing: talk more about less. So the chica that's been on my mind a lot lately is my sweet roommate from last semester- Chelsie Whitney.

This past winter, I moved into a new complex where I didn't know anyone. I was just thrown into the mix. But I had the opportunity to live with 4 beautiful, wonderful girls, one of whom was Chelsie.

When we first met, we found out that we had taken photography from the same teacher at the same time! What a wonderful coincidence that was. We were able to learn about photography together and practice on each other and our other roommates. She and I had so much fun talking about our teacher's clothes (she was so well put together, of course). We both aspired to be like our teacher. But what Chelsie didn't realize was that I just wanted to be like her.

Learning about her and her story showed me how tough a woman can be. She is the strongest girl I know--overcoming incredible odds with such grace. I was lucky enough to live with her for 14 weeks. And over those 14 weeks I grew to love such a wonderful and awe-inspiring girl. From conquering cancer to shipping off her soul mate, Chelsie mustered through it all.

She is also a party animal. Our Winter Semester theme song was "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele. I could always count on her to be ready to go do something crazy- like going to Denny's at Midnight or blasting music and yelling at the top of our lungs, then going to a cupcake place called Cocoa Bean for their delicious cupcakes and hot chocolate. Being a fellow English major, she and I were able to discuss literature and professors we've both had.

Chelsabelle, here is to you. I love you TONS, and I know you can do anything. Thank you for being my big sister. I can't wait to get to live with you again! Have fun in China!

Isn't she beautiful?! And she is even more beautiful on the inside.

Today I'm grateful for...

I thought that since I've been using so many words lately that it would be a nice change of pace to explain with pictures. Enjoy!




























(For the record, it's a picture of my glasses)

Hard Work

I'm feeling a little long-winded right now, so buckle your seat belts; this is going to be a long (and hopefully enjoyable for you) ride.

I would like to share with you something that is personal, and yet, I feel is very pertinent to everyone's lives. It was something that was given to me in my patriarchal blessing:

"Remember that these blessings are contingent upon your willingness to work hard and stay close to your Heavenly Father."

These words have come to my mind on several occasions, and with good reason. One of the faults I have is that I love to sleep. I love lounging around, avoiding things that need to get done. I love finding excuses to not do things. Oh the power went out? Sweet, can't do my homework! Oh, my pencil broke? Man, guess I can't write this anymore. I am in constant awe of how lazy I am, especially since I have been thinking about how little formal education matters to me. (Okay for the record, I am not completely against formal education. I do like it. I like learning from teachers and having them help me discover things. However, it is definitely not all it's cracked up to be. I'm in it for the piece of paper. And for the awesome English Department Faculty at BYU-Idaho.) If I ever cross I teacher that I think is boring or not well organized, my attention and dedication is out the window. The classes I get the lowest grades in are always the easiest classes. They are the ones that I forget about the little discussion board post I'm supposed to have online by midnight. They are the ones that I think missing one assignment here and there will not be that big of a deal but eventually add up.

I had the opportunity to talk to my "other parents" (Bob and Gail Fletcher) who currently live in New Hampshire. A couple of summers ago (2007), I was blessed to be able to go and live with them for a whole month. I learned so much from them while in their care. I called them last Saturday to catch up with them, and I spoke with Bob about my thoughts on education. For the record, I would consider him one of the smartest people in my acquaintance. He is very well read, was a computer technician for many years, and knew just about everything about anything you can name. He is someone of whom I aspire to be like. That day we talked, he said, "Sylvia, I never got a degree past a high school diploma." I was in shock. I couldn't believe someone of his high intelligence would not have gone on to college. He proceeded to tell me that he went to 2 years of college before deciding that it wasn't worth his time to jump through the "University Hoops" anymore. He went to work as a computer programmer and did very well in his job. He told me, however, that because of this choice, he had to work a lot harder to convince the people he was working for that he deserved a raise or promotion or whatever would come along. There were other people going for that same job that did have bachelor's degrees that looked smarter because of it. "I was held back in a lot of things because I didn't have a piece of paper. I had more experience in the field, I had more knowledge on the subject, but they had a stamp of approval from a university, and for that, I had to explain my way through a lot of things. So even though it may not be worth it to you, it will be worth it to have that signature."

We then proceeded to talk about the course of action I should take while I was in college. He pointed out that I have been blessed and cursed with the ability to be a good test taker. I have always been able to do well on tests with minimal studying. Why cursed, do you ask? Well, it's the minimal studying part. I don't usually have to work hard to get the grade I want. Because of this, I haven't developed the same kind of work ethic that those who have to work hard to get good grades have. It's not that I can't work hard for a class. The classes that are hard for me I work hard in and put forth every effort I can because it means so much more to me to get an A in those classes than some junk generals class. It's the easy ones that get me. Getting a B in a class I was perfectly capable of getting an A in has helped me see this flaw more clearly. So what is the solution to my lack of motivation?

I asked Bob this very question and he gave me some good advice. He said, "Have you ever heard of the dilemma people face where they think 'Should I take the easy class and be bored but get an A or take the hard class and learn a lot and get a B?' My answer: Take the hard class and get an A. Show them what you're made of. And those A's will mean that you worked hard and learned a lot in the process." My motivation stems from doing something that other people think I shouldn't be able to do. The best A I got was the A in the English 325 class (junior-level class) I took my second semester here. I had to work hard. I had to go to a tutor. I had to study. But I got the hang of it. And those of you who know me well know how much I love grammar--that class was the class I learned it in. I am the TA for that class now (I am still not a Junior and I'm going to go teach it next Friday!). So the solution to my lack of motivation is to take the hard road.

A quote from Elder Richard L. Evans says something interesting about this subject:

“Life offers you two precious gifts—one is time, the other freedom of choice, the freedom to buy with your time what you will. You are free to exchange your allotment of time for thrills. You may trade it for base desires. You may invest it in greed. …

“Yours is the freedom to choose. But these are no bargains, for in them you find no lasting satisfaction.

“Every day, every hour, every minute of your span of mortal years must sometime be accounted for. And it is in this life that you walk by faith and prove yourself able to choose good over evil, right over wrong, enduring happiness over mere amusement. And your eternal reward will be according to your choosing.

“A prophet of God has said: ‘Men are that they might have joy’—a joy that includes a fullness of life, a life dedicated to service, to love and harmony in the home, and the fruits of honest toil—an acceptance of the Gospel of Jesus Christ—of its requirements and commandments.

“Only in these will you find true happiness, the happiness which doesn’t fade with the lights and the music and the crowds.”

We have the power. We have the opportunity to accomplish great things. We have been given time and choice to do with our time what we will. I can promise you blessings will come from our Heavenly Father if you choose to work hard and make good use of your time. So what will you choose to do with your time?

Learning Away from College

So seeing as today is July (according to my calculations, there was no June), I felt like an update was in order. I am home alone in my apartment this fourth of July weekend, and I am actually really loving it. I love my roommates. Don't get me wrong. They are so much fun to be with and talk to. In fact, sometimes we talk too much. But I have 2 (almost 3) engaged roommates, so it's not like they feel like hanging out with me all the time anyway. Thus, not having them here is a little relieving. No, I don't have to share the TV. Yes, I can take up the whole couch. Yes, I can play my music really loud whilst writing a blog post. And that brings us to where we are now. Welcome!

I want to talk about something that has been on my mind a lot lately, and that is education. Since I'm in college, I always like to take into consideration what I am learning and how it would apply to my life. Fortunately, I am taking classes (for the most part) that I really enjoy and can apply to my future career or life. I have to give a hand to the language department at BYU-Idaho. After 1 year of studying Spanish, I feel really competent. I write emails to people all in Spanish, order my food in Spanish, and sometimes go to a Spanish branch in Archer. The way the Language Department is set up is perfect for my brain. I understand that it may not be for everyone, but I am happy with how I have been taught. Not only this, but I get to go serve in Mexico for 4 months and solidify the Spanish I have been studying for the past year.

I am taking 2 English classes this semester, and I just like English in general. One of them is a General Education credit (Foundations, as it is called here)--it's an advanced critical thinking and writing course. That class is okay, but it's not my favorite. The class that I have grown the most in is my English 314 class--Advanced Literary and Research Analysis. It has really improved my writing. I have looked at certain pieces of literature much more closely. I have been enlightened by the literature that "everyone talks about." Take Emily Dickinson for example. Everyone knows who that is. But I never understood what the big deal was until I had to write a 5 page paper on one of her poems. That was so enlightening.

So as much as we all hate tests, writing papers, reading chapters out of books, is there any good in it? To an extent. I think if it is something you want to learn about, writing a paper about it can prove to be a good way to understand it better. In my English class last semester, we talked about how sometimes you don't really know what you think about something until you are forced to put it into words. I really believe that. When you want to articulate something, you have to phrase it just right so that you get the correct message across. And that includes thinking critically about it.

I do think, however, there is a lot of room for education outside of an institution. People in the old days didn't have formal education, and yet they are so much smarter than we are. How is it possible that they could be smarter than us when we are being educated for 12+ years? Many contributors to the literary canon educated themselves by mere reading. So that is the direction I am going now as well. I got a bunch of books that were recommended to me for my specific bad habits in writing. I have a problem with using words that I believe are synonyms, but they really aren't. I don't truly know the precise definition of some things, even though I've been using those words for years. For instance, one of the words I misplaced is association. What I really meant was connection. Can you see the difference between association and connection? If you are connected to someone, you have a closer relationship than if you are associated with them. Word precision is something I'm struggling with. So the medicinal book to fix this? Anything by Jonathan Swift (according to Brother Weeks, my mentor professor), especially Guliver's Travels. Brother Weeks says that Jonathan Swift uses some of the most precise language ever written. So why not go to the experts?

My education this semester has been so much more than just my classes. I have read a lot more than I usually do, and it has been very enlightening. I love reading, and I have come to appreciate the classics and understand why they are considered classic. They have something to give you everyday of your life. If you are living, you can apply the principles taught in these books. Can Transformers do that? Well, it may have some pretty awesome graphics, but it is superficial. It only scratches the surface while these books explore life and the inner workings thereof. So the challenge for the next month is this: Read a classic. Yes, it might be boring at first, but just give it a chance. There is a reason it's a classic, so go find out the reason for yourself! I know you won't regret it. You can do it!

The Cost of Idiocy

Boy am I grateful for my mom. She called me today and said, "I think you're getting overdrafted in your bank account. Would you mind looking and seeing how much money you have left in your checking account?" I did. Overdraft? Yes. Whose fault? My stupid thought: "We need to have a fetchin' DVD Player in our apartment so we can watch movies with friends!" Ay. I'm so happy that we have a DVD player, but instead of the $30 dollars I paid for it, I paid $60 on top of that in overdraft charges because I got excited. What a joke! I wouldn't buy a DVD player for $90! But looky here, I just did.

How many times do I neglect doing the little stuff, like checking my bank account and not going off of memory how much I have in there, and get really upset when things blow up? Well, if I had just looked for Pete's sake (or my own in this case, I suppose) I would have only paid $30 for a DVD player. Good grief I feel like an idiot.

So now I ask myself, what other things do I do just like that? Do I expect my body to run on 3 hours of sleep then get angry when I fall asleep in class? Do I expect my ipod to sing to me all the time then get upset when it dies? Stretching things to their limits all the time makes it so that I can't get anything done.

Lesson learned: check ups now save lots of money later!

Rocks First, Then Sand

Spring Semester is the fun semester of the year. Homework can be done outside, games can be played, memories created. How wonderful it is to be living amongst friends during a warm time of the year! However, if schedules are too tight, that doesn't allow for any decent playing time. If you're just doing homework all the time, you're missing out on life! If you're just playing all the time, you're either worried the entire time that your homework isn't getting done, or you are going to flunk out of your classes! And who wants to pay $2,000 to play with your friends?

I, unfortunately, seem to have myself in such a predicament. Here I am, typing away at this blog when dozens of homework assignments are calling to be completed. Friends are aching to be spoken with and comforted. Employers are waiting to be doted upon. And yet, here I sit, still writing. How am I doing this, you ask? Well, it's all about the rocks and the sand.

The rocks and the sand change each day. Sometimes, I sit down and studiously do my homework because that is what needs to get done. Sometimes, my sweet roommate (who is unfortunately going through quite the rough patch right now) needs someone to listen to her. Sometimes, my brain is so fried that if I were to work on homework, it would take twice as long to accomplish it than if I did something recreational for a few minutes and then returned back to homework. But determining what comes first when is the tricky part. There is no possible way that I could sit and do homework while my friends hearts are aching inside, pain written all over their faces. But there is no way that I could talk to them for 10 hours each day and expect the Lord to help me get good grades. As much as I love talking and socializing a being there for people, sometimes the homework needs to get rock status.

So how do you discern that?

Well, you pray. The Lord understands each of our needs and desires, and He will help us be able to accomplish the things that He needs us to accomplish based on our desires. We are instruments in His hands. If Heavenly Father needs me to do homework for a class in order to serve a certain purpose down the line, homework wins. If Heavenly Father needs me to be there for a friend, friend wins. It is all about Him. From me right this moment, He needs the sanity of my brain and the calmness of my heart. The rest of the day will go a whole lot better if I have those two things.

It all hangs in the balance.

Spring is in the Air

*Inhale deeply* Yep, spring is coming. I can finally feel it.

Spring Semester at BYU-Idaho is always the best. It means doing homework outside, going to lakes and caves on the weekends, shooting guns, throwing frisbees, getting caught in huge rainstorms with the wind going 40 miles per hour, and having random adventures with your friends. It is the best time of year to be here, and I wouldn't miss it for the world. This picture here is of my friend Tony- he showed me how to throw knives today.



The great thing about having one semester end and another begin is that I feel like I can start all over again in the spring-time attitude. I feel fortunate that I get a fresh start right when the weather turns nice. There is something about blossoms and flower scent and warm weather that makes you want to change your life. I always feel like spring is the time when I can make changes in my life and drop all the baggage I have been carrying throughout the entire winter. What a relief it is when you can finally leave all the depression of winter behind and reawaken into spring. I love it!

So this is me, shedding off my suffocating coat of winter.

Ah, that's better. It's good to get that off. This upcoming week is finals week (for real this time, it's the big "turn in all your projects and take all your tests right..... NOW) and it will be good to have my spring attitude rather than my depressing winter attitude. I can do this! I will kick trash on my finals. No problem. Just gotta keep telling myself that. I'll see you on the other side of finals! (Then I'll really be in the spring mood.)

His Eye is on the Sparrow

Oh beloved March. You bring warmth to Rexburg (warmth meaning a couple of degrees above freezing... yay!), the nearness of the end of the semester, and March Madness! No, this is not the basketball March Madness--which I heard all about the guy getting kicked off of the BYU team for an honor code violation--this is the March Madness where you read the entire Book of Mormon in the month of March. It's something I try to do every year, and it has really blessed my life. This read-through of the Book of Mormon helps me piece all of the stories together, while reading it throughout the year helps me pull out deep doctrine. I like both ways, and it's refreshing to just plow through the Book of Mormon once in a while.

Lately I have been feeling a little lonely. It's not that I don't have a wonderful family to support me, or an incredible roommate to help me as well, but I just felt alone for some reason. I don't have any idea what caused this, but March Madness has come through for me again. I came across a scripture in 2 Nephi 4:26-28 that reads,

"...if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions? And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, and why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy? Awake my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and no more give place for the enemy of my soul."

These scriptures feed my soul. It may be because I'm an English major, but these words have so much meaning behind them. I can honestly say that my soul has lingered in the valley of sorrow. Linger is such a good word for this feeling--you think to yourself, "You know, I could leave if I want, but I think I'll linger just a little longer." I have totally felt that before. "I could be happy if I really put forth an effort, but I think I'll linger in the 'valley of sorrow' a little longer." How dull!

Do we ever get caught up in the excuse of, "it's okay this one time, I'm human anyway,"? Yes, we are all human. We all make mistakes. But we can't let that deter us from trying to be better each day. I am not saying we need to be perfect. I am saying we should be getting better as we gain more experience. This is something I have struggled with, so don't worry, I'm not judging.

I am so grateful for the scriptures and for the truths they contain. I am so grateful that I have the ability to truly dig deep and study them for myself and still not find a single discrepancy within the scriptures that cannot be answered. It is so comforting to know that there is a book out there that I can rely on to help me get through the day more happily. I know that the Book of Mormon is the most correct book and can bring a man closer to God than any other book. It is something I cherish greatly.

I'd like to close with the lyrics of a song I love called "His Eye is on the Sparrow"

"Why should I feel discouraged?
Or why should the shadows come?
Oh why should my heart feel lonely,
and long for Heaven and home?
For Jesus is my portion;
a constant friend is He.
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches over me."

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Anyone in this world could tell you that they have, at some point in their life, been emotionally wounded by someone. Let's face facts: it's usually the opposite sex. Guys can be clueless, dumb, or just plain rude in order to get what they want. Girls likewise. I don't want anyone to think that I don't understand how stupid, selfish, and stuck up girls can be. It's the absolute truth, and I won't deny it. But I also want people to understand that I'm not going to back down on this one either: guys can hurt really badly if they want to.

I encountered one such guy. I'm not saying that he said to himself, "Hey, I think I'll go make Sylvia writhe in pain for a while just to shake things up a bit." I understand that it was not a personal attack on my character, on my personality, or on me in general. But I did feel like I got the raw end of the deal. I did feel like things were handled in a way that was disrespectful. And I did feel like I got handed something that I didn't deserve. I was a good girlfriend- I was a devoted, faithful, and caring companion. I did all I could to serve, show my support, and love him. I put everything I had into that relationship. All my cards were on the table. And all I got was, "Oh hey, my ex-fiancee just emailed me and told me she wanted to marry me... So I'm going to go marry her."

What could I have done differently? Nothing. I couldn't have done a darn thing to make things turn out the way I wanted at that point. Knowing this, I realized that this was completely out of my control. This particular situation was outside of my "Circle of Influence". Understanding that there are things inside and outside of that circle makes all the difference in the world. Back when this first happened, I understood that. I understood that there wasn't anything I could do to fix this, and I knew that it would probably be for my benefit in the end.

Now fast forward to the beginning of this year. I was up at school again after a five-month break. I had all the classes I wanted at the times I wanted them. I had a fresh start. So I walked into my first class Wednesday morning and got prepared to start taking notes. Someone got called on to say the prayer so I bowed my head. Guess whose voice I heard? Yep, that one guy. The moment words started pouring from his mouth, my heart sunk right into my seat. "I thought I was done having to be around him," I thought to myself. It's not like I wanted to be his woman anymore, it was the fact that I had to go to class Monday-Wednesday-Friday with him that I didn't appreciate. I had all these negative feelings about him that I thought would go away with time, but this class made it even harder for me. I knew I wasn't completely over his disrespect. "Enough is enough!" I whispered through gritted teeth. This couldn't be handled through the strength of men. I needed the Atonement to help me forgive him because I haven't been able to do it for myself.

This past Sunday, I was able to talk with my home teacher about it. I know that he was assigned to be our home teacher for a reason because he said precisely what I needed to hear. He talked to me about blame and all the baggage that comes with blame. He also brought up an interesting point about each person on this earth. Everyone here made the choice in heaven to keep their first estate. They were valiant enough to follow Christ, knowing that there would be hard times and trials. Because of that, we have agency. There are people on this earth that choose not to use their own agency, but to have others choose for them. They follow the crowd. They get pushed around. They live the life that everyone else wants them to live. So when someone uses their agency instead of being acted upon, they deserve respect. It doesn't matter if their agency affects you or your mother or whomever. What matters is that they have right to use their agency. This realization was the first step to letting go. My home teacher also told me that I was not allowed to let the spirit go away when I was around this guy. In order to do this, I needed to stop every single one of the negative associations that I have with him. If I ever had a negative thought about him, the spirit would leave instantly. Lastly, there is no way that I can ever expect anything out of him because he has made Temple Covenants with another woman. If he ever feels anything for me even in the slightest, he would be breaking a temple covenant. The most important thing on this list for me was making good associations with him. It wasn't about thinking about the "good ol' days", but merely having good thoughts when he was around. My home teacher said, "I can GUARANTEE that you were put in the same class for a reason. Heavenly Father wanted you to learn something you couldn't have if you saw him on campus only every once in a while. He was putting you through this to learn a lesson. Now you have 6 weeks to figure out what that lesson was."

So what is my plan of attack? Well, it's staying positive. It's thinking good thoughts and having the spirit with me, especially when I have to interact with him. It's having the guts to be the first one to say hi if we cross paths. It's keeping on top of my spiritual game. It's realizing that there are people out there who deserve my trust, and I need to give it to them. It's accepting that I am in a position to use my agency to make my own life happy and meaningful. It's discovering the freedom of forgiveness.

"Kindness may not be reciprocated, but it is never wasted." -Vaughn J. Featherstone

Salt Lake and the Effects Thereof.

This past weekend, I was able to go down to Salt Lake. The week before, as mentioned in the last post, was really cold in Rexburg. It was the "my-face-is-so-cold-I-can't-tell-if-it's-still-there-anymore" cold. Then we went to Salt Lake, where it was a warm and comfortable 60 degrees. That was a welcome temperature. I had a light jacket on, and I was able to take pictures without my hands getting too cold to feel the shutter button. And boy did I take pictures! It was my Uncle Kelly's Funeral, so I had the opportunity to take lots of meaningful pictures in Kanosh. Kanosh is this tiny town off the beaten path that has a lot of sentimental value for the Watts side of my family. It's a quaint little town that holds lots of memories for them. I'm glad we were all able to go as a family, and I'm glad that I have learned enough about my camera that I got some decent shots. I saw cousins that I haven't seen in 3 years, so there were some definite Kodak moments. The Watts Brothers.

My Grandparents.

The beautiful casket.


Josh (my cousin, left) poking fun at Stan (my uncle, right).

A perfect ending to a wonderful day.

There are a lot more where this came from, but I thought just a handful would suffice. I was playing around with the exposure settings because the sun was so bright that day. Definitely an interesting and new challenge that I needed to get used to. The funeral was beautiful, the day was beautiful, everything was beautiful. It was so good to see all of my family again!

The next day, Monika (my roommate who came and stayed with us) and I went to Temple Square. She had a sister missionary she wanted to see who unfortunately couldn't fit us into her schedule. We decided to walk around the grounds and take pictures instead. The sun shone for us, yet again, and you could actually feel the sun beating on you! It made for some gorgeous pictures.

So that was a total success. Yay! But now, it's Sunday, and I haven't done any of my homework, including my midterm take-home exam that's due Monday in class. I have a strict no-homework-on-Sunday rule for myself (if you do homework on Sunday, I'm not judging--it's just a personal opinion). But, come on. This was the midterm exam! It needed to get done! I also had other homework that needed to get done as well! After giving it much thought, I decided to stick to my guns and not do it on Sunday. I was going to get up extra early (4:00 to be exact) to get my homework done. Everything was running smoothly. I was able to get up, and study for an hour beforehand (because I had had no time to study over the weekend), and then take my test. I had a different class at 7:45 that morning. The midterm was so difficult that I decided that I had better just skip that class so I could finish it by 10:15, which was when my English Lit class started. Honestly, the test was a whole bunch of quotes from short stories that we have been reading from all semester long, and I had to say which story it was from, who in the story said it, and what the context was when the person said it. Ridiculous! Fortunately, I had kept up really well with the reading, so I did pretty well. All in all, I did come out on top. This week of midterms is now over, and I did not have to break the rule I have given to myself. It all worked out!

Ode to Juanita

My first semester of college, I was starting to get tired of dealing with people. I had unfortunately had a couple of experiences that persuaded me to be more anti-social. What could I do to fill the void that I was creating for myself? Make new friends? Sure, but that required effort. I would have loved to get a dog, but my schedule didn't really allow for the training of a new puppy. Plus, I lived in a student apartment complex that wouldn't allow dogs. After thinking for a while, I decided to get a Betta fish. Sure, they're not very fun to snuggle with, but it would be nice to have someone "on my side" if things were to go sour with roommates or something. I texted my neighbor (who had a car) and asked her to take me to Wal-Mart so I could buy a Betta. I searched through the selection--which was pretty good for Wal-Mart--and decided on a little pink, red, and blue one. She became my little Juanita. For the first couple of days, she didn't seem to be doing very much, even for a fish. She just stayed in one spot and didn't do much. My neighbor finally told me, "Wal-Mart drugs the fish they have so that they don't have to feed their fish as much. Just wait a while and the drugs will wear off." And it was the truth. Boy did she move! Juanita was a perfect-fitting name for her. She would zip around the bowl and then spread out her fins. She loved flipping those things around. She was so fun just to watch! I would catch myself looking up from my homework at her for quite some time, watching her stop and then decide to zoom around the bowl.

Lately, she has taken to poking around in the rocks at the bottom of the bowl. One morning, I heard a bunch of the rocks move, and I couldn't see my little Juanita in there anymore! I couldn't see where she had gone! I searched around, and finally I saw that she dove completely into the rocks. I took a pen and moved all the rocks to see if she was alright, and she wriggled out just like she usually does. Now that I'm in a new apartment complex, I'm actually not supposed to have fish anymore. I decided that every time we would have clean checks that I would simply hide her in my closet. Yes, my little Juanita became an illegal alien.

Today, however, she ventured again into the rocks. She dove into the rocks wholeheartedly, just like before. I was not there to save her. I came home and couldn't see her in the bowl again, so I looked down at the bottom. There she was, in between all the rocks at the bottom. I took a pen a moved the rocks, but she didn't wriggle out like she did before. Yes, she finally met her Maker today. So this is to my poor little Juanita: thanks for being the best and most enjoyable fish I've ever or will ever own. It was a pleasure taking care of you. You had your own personality, and I'm glad I got to know you. You're off to new adventures now!